It seems to be an unwritten law that starting a new job excites and incites the spirits of mischief, who then spring into action and do their darndest to sabotage everything you do, and make your new bosses wonder what possessed them to ever think you were worth hiring. Want to know what the spirits of mischief did to me? Whether you do or not I’m going to tell you. The little beasts possessed my phone lines and killed my Internet connection.

Oh, it all started innocently enough with a happy email from my service provider:

"Faster Speeds! Please read!

"Tomorrow morning starting around 5 am, our technician will be installing the necessary equipment to increase our backbone, which means faster speeds! All customers should notice the increase, especially dsl/broadband customers!

"You should not experience any trouble, in the event you do have difficulty logging on to the internet once the network has been restored-a reboot of your computer, router/modem and equipment, should have you back on line!"

Oh yeah. No sweat. Just one little problem: by the end of a day punctuated by recurring outages, not only did I not have New! Faster! DSL!, I didn’t even have dialup. Nor any phone service at all. In fact as I write this I’m getting ready to head to a friend’s house to finish working. They’re sure going to be pleased to see me at 7am tomorrow too! Which is not quite as bad as being caught with no shelter in a hailstorm, but it’s close. Pshaw, you say, just go to a coffee shop or Internet cafe. How I wish I could- this is the sticks, friends, the real backwoods. We’re lucky to have flush toilets.

The sort-of good news is this has been a great test-to-destruction trial of my contingency plans. I have many contingency plans for all occasions. I have a Plan A, and a Plan B, and several more letters of the alphabet. This is necessary because out in this here neck of the woods the power likes to go out a lot, and so far I haven’t figured how to power a computer with a woodstove. So I have several alternate places to work, and if I have to dialup is always available. Good old phone company, hanging in through thick and thin.

Except today. No dialup, no phone at all. The phone tech who was theoretically fixing my phone lines flew out of here at the dot of five, without so much as a “Haha hoho heehee I’m leaving, sucker”. Guess what, Mr. Phone Tech- I was sorry that you got stung by wasps at my house. But now I’m not. I hope they come back for a second attack.

So through cunning, resourcefulness, and sheer stubbornness I’m getting the job done. Which just goes to show that stubbornness can be a positive trait, and I’m going to make sure my mom reads this because she always thinks I’m too stubborn. Well this time it paid off, Mom! Haha!

Welcome Linux Today readers, new, old, and middlin’, and barring plagues of locusts and rivers of blood, you’re stuck with me! (I think locusts are covered by Plan W…)